Jeff

Here is an extremely short story about something:

I could barely see after that thing blew up in my face, so I didn’t realize I was stepping on Jeff’s nuts.  The crunching sound was unsettling but not as much as Jeff’s silence.  Usually if you step on a guy’s testicles he screams or moves or something, but I guess he just sat there and accepted my foot as it lay.  That’s so typical of Jeff.

He’s always freaking me out with his collections.  100 dead butterflies, a jar of stray cat parts, and expired jellies from South America.  One time I saw him unscrewing light bulbs in the library and when he noticed me he just crept away in silence, staring at me, limping out the fire exit, and not even blinking as the alarms went off.

I went to Jeff’s wedding.  At the bachelor party, there were three television sets in the middle of a room hooked up to cameras strategically placed at the bride’s bachelorette party across the street.  His wife-to-be was into S and M, so that was a lot of fun.   Jeff’s hand quivered although he remained stone faced while he and all of his friends watched the love of his life choke her best friend with a metal chain.  I asked him if he was ok and he nodded slowly.  When the double vibrator turned on he whispered “I’m having second thoughts,” and his bride went missing the next day.  I forgot what happened to her…

So there I was with gunpowder all over my face and Jeff’s balls under my feet.   My eyes were burning and the taste of vomit lingered on my tongue.  I made my way to the manager’s office and gave the best interview of my life.  I didn’t get the job though cause no one could hear what I was saying and most people were preoccupied with evacuating the building.